How to reduce parent shaming and manage judging parents, family and friends.
Parenting is personal. There are a million different opinions on everything parenting, but the only one that matters is yours.
Repeat after me: “It is only a problem if it is a problem for you”. You are in control, and you know your baby the best. Trust yourself. You know exactly what your baby needs. Feel confident in the decisions you make, and your parenting style and ignore anyone who decides to shame you for doing what is best for your child.
Unfortunately, every parent at some point falls victim of parent shaming, so here are some of my tips on ways to overcome parent shaming and overall, create a healthier and more supportive environment for the holidays.
1. Assume the Best
If you’re a parent whose feeling like the grandparents have been stepping on your toes, start by trying to assume that they have the best intentions. Like all of us, they might make mistakes or be unaware of boundaries they’re crossing. Perhaps they feel unsure of what you want or don’t want from them. Let them know how they can be helpful to you. Help them feel included, important and needed.
2. When a Boundary Has Been Crossed
Let grandparents know when they have stepped over a line that you’re not comfortable with, such as giving you unsolicited parenting advice. You can say, “I appreciate your expertise. I will definitely ask you if I need help.” Or “I know you may see it differently, but I’d appreciate you following the way I do it on this one.”
Give them a role so they feel they have a way to contribute. Invite them to your parenting classes or pediatrician if they’re having a hard time understanding how parenting and medical advice has changed. That way, they can ask questions and learn good ways to support you. This can solve a problem rather than lead to animosity between generations.
3. Unresolved Issues
Parents, if the role that you’ve played all your life in your family is no longer working, change it. Don’t spill your unresolved issues onto the next generation; work out the differences that are still affecting you. Recognize that it might be your own insecurity as a parent causing you to hear helpful advice or suggestions from the grandparents as criticism. If necessary, guide them to better ways of making suggestions that won’t leave you feeling undermined or criticized.
4. Work to Make It Work
Most importantly, work to make this work. Parents need their parents, grandparents need their children and grandkids. This relationship is enriching for all and doesn’t last forever. Whether you live close or far away, make sure you find ways to make everyone a part of each other’s lives.