PPD and a Pandemic…
Everyone that has ever wanted to be a mother has always dreamt of what their pregnancy and birth/delivery would be like. Most women expect their family to visit to share the big news, having your husband there support you at all of their appointments, and newborn/family pictures in the hospital. Then BAM the world Is shut down and all of these dreams come crashing down.
Yes, there are much more Important events occurring In the world and not having a baby shower does not rank above others losing their lives or family members. BUT we are allowed to grieve our loss of what we wanted for our pregnancy and baby. We are allowed to grieve that our babies are being brought Into the world of unknown and uncertainty.
The HARDEST part about having a pandemic baby for me was not being able to Include all of my friends/family In the celebration. My daughter Is 9 months old this month and she still has not met some people who are very Important to us. Sometimes we don't know what Is right or what Is wrong. Do we let her visit with others and potentially get sick or do we keep her away from others and let her be healthy?!?!? The whole pandemic was an unknown and recommendations were constantly changing. The line between right and wrong were blurring, so we did what we thought was right.
From that point on, I had to learn to accept that my postpartum experience was going to be drastically different If I were going to be able to find new perspectives. I needed to grieve the loss of my expectations. I feel this too, Is something that others parents have to do as well.
But yet, we had to endure this all while being alone because the world was shut down. PPD Is real and In this pandemic many others are experience depression themselves. Taylor and I both had babies during a global pandemic, yet both had different experiences with the situation. Taylor having her third baby and knowing exactly what birth "should" look like. And myself having my first baby with no perspective on what Is a typical birth.
The pandemic has taught me to better Identify and express my needs. I am beginning to better understand my new role as a mother, as well as continuing to live my life as a wife, daughter, friend, etc.
Tips and tricks that worked for me having a baby in a pandemic:
1. Get dressed everyday! I felt so much better if I got out of my “pajamas” and put on “day time” clothes. Even if they were just clean sweats!!
2. Talk about how you are feeling.. to yourself, your significant other, your doctor, anyone. Writing It down helped me too! DO NOT keep It bottled yet.
3. Set realistic expectations and understand that you CANNOT do everything. <—THIS!!! So hard for me to grasp the concept!!!
4. Practice the positive no! Similar to the one before it, but understand that you cannot do everything. And it’s so hard to tell people no, but tell them what you can do. For example, if you can’t make It to a friends party.. “I can’t make It to the party, but I can send you a gift.” Or “I can’t make It to the party, but I can meet up this week for dinner.” A positive no!
5. Make time for yourself! Yes you baby needs you and yes you feel like you are ALWAYS doing something, but find an hour a day where you can read, nap, bathe in peace, watch your mindless reality TV shows that you love (this is my fav), or anything that lets you relax!!!
6. If you these do not work for you, reach out to your OB and discuss your options for therapy, medication, etc. As well as your helpful team at MOMents Beyond the Bump for continued support in your home.